OOM - Taking 'tipsy' Autor upstairs

[sunbaked_baker]

Rae has to remind herself to be mindful of Autor's impaired state and his sprained ankle as they leave the bar room behind. She doesn't want to hurt him, but she has to call on reserves of patience and fortitude she didn't know she had just to keep herself from hurrying him along.

Her heartbeat is loud in her ears, over the ongoing sounds of Autor's drowsy banter as she helps him up the stairs, her jaw clenched tight. Apart from being happily drunk, he is fine. Not hurt in any way.

They are halfway down the last hall to Autor's room when the words burst forth.

"What the everloving fuck do you think you're doing, Autor?" she says miserably, swaying from his weight as she stops, unable to continue.

Comments

[herr_bookman]

Autor had been toying with his napkin ring on the chain around his neck, reaching for his key to unlock the door, when Rae speaks. "Doing?" he asks. "Doing what? In what context?"

[sunbaked_baker]

"Making play-dates with the serial killer, Autor," Rae answers with helpless frustration, feeling her pulse pounding in her ears. "That context."

"You asked me to stay with you this evening to keep you from doing anything dangerous, but apparently those risks aren't unique to this experiment. How..." she swallows, looking away from him, her eyes burning as she continues to nevertheless hold him steady. "How am I supposed to keep you safe from those who would hurt you, if I can't keep you safe from your own foolishness?"

[herr_bookman]

"Ohhh. That context. Ahaha," Autor says, blinking. He leans on her, trying to think--but thinking is hard. "It... It was an accident. And I dunno how you're supposed ta... I don't know, Rae."

The boy reaches out and fondly brushes her cheekbone with his thumb. "Please don't cry."

[sunbaked_baker]

"'Accident'?" she echoes faintly in disbelief, then her voice rises in protest. "I'm not going to cry."

Rae will never be an accomplished liar.

"What kind of accident is... deciding you want to learn from someone like him, Autor?" she says, voice quiet and miserable. "And what would that even entail? Hangin' out with the murderer you spent months trying to warn me away from, playing chess, sharing stories of making people doubt their sanity? Fun times." Her voice cracks on the last word.

[herr_bookman]

"Aw, yeah you are," Autor says gently, squeezing her in a half hug while his other hand rests on her cheek, ready to catch whatever tears may fall.

"I'm not going to learn anything from him," the boy starts, blinking again. "And I've never made anyone doubt their sanity, that's not very nice, and I wouldn't do that. Chess is fun, though; I bet he'll crush me."

[sunbaked_baker]

"Yeah he'll crush you," she says, leaning her head against his and squeezing her eyes shut. Sunshine refuses to cry, but her eyes already watering against her will. She doesn't see a good way out of this. "Don't... try reassuring me by saying you're not intending to learn anything from him. Not five minutes ago you were telling him that you looked forward to it. That you had a lot to learn from him."

It makes her stomach turn to even think of it.

"You've never made anyone doubt your sanity, Autor," she says, quiet. "But he made you doubt yours, for months. Made you doubt my faith in you. And he's already somehow made you forget what he is. What you saw in him first, out of anybody here."

[herr_bookman]

"I know what he is," Autor says, pursing his lips. "He's the High Priest of the Cult of Help, a dementor in a suit, and really good at chess--oh, he's really good at cooking, too. He's good at a lot of things and kind of intimidating."

The boy peers at her, cocking his head. "Are you all right?"

[sunbaked_baker]

"No, I am not all right!" she says, having to pull away then, and not look at him.

"I'm... trying and failing to reconcile the friend who nearly wept trying to make me realize how dangerous Hannibal Lecter is, and the friend who's apparently been having a grand old time making friends with that same cannibalistic serial killer who messes with people's minds! Who messed with your mind! And is apparently doing it again, because what the everloving fuck are you thinking, Autor? You are not this stupid!"

Her back hits the wall of the hallway and she lowers herself onto the carpeted floor, as the dam bursts and the tears fall despite her best efforts.

[herr_bookman]

The boy flinches. He sways on his feet, clutching his elbow. "You're shouting," he says quietly. "And he's not my friend. He's never been my friend. And I'm not his apprentice, either."

Autor pads over to her and kneels, cupping her cheeks if she'll let him. "You are crying," he whispers. "He's not my teacher, Rae. He's not... my anything. He doesn't belong to me and I don't belong to him at all."

[sunbaked_baker]

Rae shakes her head just slightly, tears leaving damp trail down her cheeks. It is only reluctantly that she looks back at him. She is so afraid of getting her hopes up.

"Autor," Sunshine says, quietly, miserably, "You say that when you're thinking about it. When you know I'm upset. When you... make an effort. You sounded very different, earlier, talking excitedly about how much he could teach you. How much you looked forward to playing chess with him."

And probably other games that are equally about strategically manipulating people where you want them to go.

Rae swallows, turning her head to look away. "Is that... what you've been doing when I remind you that he is dangerous? When I remind you of what you tried to make me see? Do you just... tell me what I want to hear, and then go on doing the opposite? You've promised me multiple times that you'd stay away from him, and yet... that's not what you do."

[herr_bookman]

"I... I have tried," Autor murmurs. He sighs, and brushes her tears away with his thumbs. "I'm not good at promises when it comes to protectin' myself. I'm bad at resisting danger."

He leans forward and brushes his lips against her cheek, if she lets him. "I'm... 'm sorry, Rae. I wanna--no, I'm gonna make it up to you, but I dunno how I'm gonna do that, yet."

[sunbaked_baker]

"First off, don't make promises you can't keep!" she snaps, pulling her cheek away from his attempt to mollify her. "If there's something you feel you should learn, learn that!"

Miserable and tired, Rae just puts her head in her hands.

[herr_bookman]

Autor gasps, a soft hitch in his breath. He draws his hands back, and wraps his arms around himself. "You're scaring me, y'know?" he says, phrasing it as a question so he won't be as scared. "I'll try. I'll try. Okay? Please don't be mad at me. Please. Please, Rae."

[sunbaked_baker]

"I'm scaring you?" she says faintly, head down and face hidden by a curtain of red-hair. Tears still occasionally dot her bright shirt with dark spots. "Oh, Autor."

"What happened, somewhere along the way? You used to see him so clearly, clearest of anyone here. Now you apparently don't see him at all."

[herr_bookman]

"I see him," Autor murmurs, still curled into himself and watching her. "It's not like he went invisible."

He shifts, still lightheaded and uncomfortable. "Do you wanna hug?"

[sunbaked_baker]

"I guess this is fair," she murmurs, voice uneven and rough. "You're not listening to me any more than I listened to you when you were warning me away from him." She doesn't reiterate his inability to see the danger as he once did. This entire miserable situation has been one of repeated warnings to those who won't listen. One more won't make it any better. Her face crumples as a fresh wave of frustration and worry hit her.

"I want a hug... only if by hugging you I can convince myself that you're safe. But you're not. You're not safe. You don't keep yourself safe, and I apparently can't keep you safe, either."

[herr_bookman]

Autor happily reaches out to hug her, but then blinks. She's curled inward, tense. Her words of, "I want," don't match her body language, much less what follows.

He sits back.

"Don't worry about me," Autor says. "I can take care of myself." Then he sighs gently. "Rae. Would it... Would it help if I said that I loved you?"

[sunbaked_baker]

Rae reluctantly lifts her head to look at him, eyes red-rimmed and cheeks wet. "You... no, it wouldn't."

Nevertheless, the reaches out to him, wanting to hug him. Wanting to try to convince herself that she can possibly keep him safe. Somehow. "But I love you, too. And I do worry about you. I always will. You're my friend, and I want you to be safe, and happy, and well."

He protests now that he can take care of himself, but Rae heard him just a little while ago, also admitting that he has difficulty resisting danger and protecting himself. One is the truth, the other just what he thinks she wants to hear. Or just what he has been telling himself, all along.

[herr_bookman]

Autor scoots forward on his knees, wrapping her up in his skinny arms and sniffling as he buries his head in her shoulder.

"Rae," he whispers, swallowing. "Are we broken?"

[sunbaked_baker]

Rae frowns slightly, resting her head against his as she holds him close, still trying to tell herself that there has to be a way to keep him safe.

"What do you mean, 'broken?'"

[herr_bookman]

Autor rubs her back, shuddering in her arms. "I think I've messed up," the boy murmurs. "I want to be your friend, but... I've hurt you real bad. 'M sorry."

[sunbaked_baker]

Rae hugs him tighter, not wanting to hear the doubt ringing in his unsteady voice. "You are my friend, Autor, and I am yours. You're my best friend. Nothing could break that. Especially not him."

"I just want you to be safe, and I worry. You're smart, and clever... and so I worry, when I see you doing things that a few months ago you would have been telling me were stupid and dangerous things to do. But none of that changes my friendship with you."

[herr_bookman]

Autor clings to her, willing her words to sink in, wanting her warmth to steady him. "Okay," he says eventually, drawing back. "I'll make it right. And we can still be friends. I won't... I'll be smarter."

[sunbaked_baker]

Rae loosens her hold, letting him draw back, though her hands still rest on his arms. She is reluctant to let him go. "I'll always be your friend."

If she weren't, she wouldn't worry half as much as she does.

She looks at him, tired and unhappy. He's already come down from the happy affectionate drunkenness that had affected him earlier, and she feels guilt for that, even if it had been in reaction to him being so at Hannibal Lecter.

"C'mon," she says, quietly, moving to get to her feet. "We should get you to your room."

[herr_bookman]

"Yeah, good idea," Autor says, brightening just a bit. He touches her cheek gently, and stands as well. "That's where we were headed before."

[sunbaked_baker]

Rae puts her arm around him, leaning against him slightly. Not too much, though - she knows what excessive drinking does to one's balance, even when one is used to drinking.

"Yeah," she says, pensive. It feels much longer than a year and a half since she became friends with Autor, and since she became friends with - and then violently fell out of friendship with - Dr. Lecter. She feels like she has known them forever. Part of that is Milliways' weirdness, she knows, but it is still a hard feeling to shake.

"I'll get you settled, and get you some water to drink while I take care of your leg."

[herr_bookman]

Autor leans his head on her shoulder comfortably. "You are always taking care of me," he murmurs. Even when he does things she doesn't like. "Thank you, Rae. I'll pay you back somehow. When I'm smarter."

[sunbaked_baker]

"You don't have to pay me back," she says, faintly dry, as they head down the hall and to the door to his room. "Friendship doesn't keep score like that. Just be careful."

It'll be up to him to open the door, though. Knowing him, it may be booby-trapped.

[herr_bookman]

It was, but he has since taken those down.

Autor loops his fingers underneath the chain around his neck. The napkin ring bounces on his chest as he snags the key.

The boy's room would be spartan if not for all of the books making mountains everywhere. There's a desk with quills and a pile of knitting on it, a bed with a blue cover, and a teakettle on the nightstand.

"You've been here before," Autor murmurs, yawning. "When you were little and had some problems at home."

[sunbaked_baker]

Rae helps him through the door and over towards the bed, a very faint, slightly sad smile on her face. "It felt as though I had, when I walked in. Remembering something of the smell of all the ink and books, I think. It's very comforting."

[herr_bookman]

"I fed you too much sugar," he admits, easing down onto the bed. Autor hangs his head between his legs, along with his hands. "Whoa. I'm really dizzy. Am I supposed to be this dizzy, Rae?"

[sunbaked_baker]

"I can't judge, there," the Cinnamon Roll Queen says, with a brief, fond smile, making sure he's not going to fall over.

"It's a pretty common reaction when someone is drunk, yeah," she replies, sympathetically. "Your calculations were not exactly accurate, tonight. Hold still while I get you a glass of water. It'll help with the dizziness and may cut down on the hangover tomorrow."

[herr_bookman]

"Hangover? Oh, nooo," Autor says, glancing up at her, horror-struck. "My maths were correct when I last checked them and I checked them a lot. And I only had two glasses of wine! Well, two and a half. But thanks for the water. Even though it is boring."

He frowns. "You know what it is? I'm too skinny. I need to gain some muscle if I'm ever gonna try this again, which I'm not."

[sunbaked_baker]

"You had far too much wine for your size, Autor," she smiles at him, wry, pouring him a glass and making her way back towards the bedside. "But you don't have to worry about gaining muscle to be more impervious to alcohol if you don't plan on trying this again."

"You do, however, if you ever want to beat me at running around the circumference of the lake. Drink up," she advises, making sure he has a good hold on the glass before she lets go.

[herr_bookman]

"Oh, I totally will someday," Autor says, nodding confidently, despite being so dizzy at the moment. He drains the glass quickly, and looks surprised that it's gone. "You'll get to stare at my back instead, and you'll be like, 'huh, he has a back! I've never seen it like this before and also I am eating his dust, how unpleasant.'"

[sunbaked_baker]

"Bragging already, are you? That's my Autor," Rae says with a slight smile, taking his empty glass so she might refill it. "I can name quite a few things better to eat than dust."

"But then, I suppose experience is the best teacher. If you can outrun me, then obviously I'll need to step up my own training to make up for it."

Another glass of water is settled into his grip.

[herr_bookman]

And Autor downs it, thinking it tastes better than any liquid he's ever had. "Wouldn't it be funny to serve a pile of dust at a table? All dressed up with sour cream?" he says, and blinks. "Wait, no, that doesn't make any sense. Am I making sense? Damn."

He smiles at her. "And I'm not bragging. It's a promise. One day, I will outrun you, Rae 'Sunshine' Seddon," he declares, hand on his heart. "But I'll still love you afterwards, don't worry."

[sunbaked_baker]

"Then I won't worry about that," she assures him, sitting near the foot of the bed. "And you don't worry about hurting my feelings by outrunning me, either. I'll be terribly proud."

And she will be, because she'll know how hard he worked at it.

"You are drunk, my dear Autor, so it's okay if you don't make sense," Rae smiles at him. "Settle down and I'll take a look at your ankle and see what I can do to help it along."

[herr_bookman]

Autor wiggles his toes at her, and then winces. "It's still wobbly. I never knew that stretching the tendons would mess it up like that," Autor says. "But I broke William's wrist. I owe him an apology--that had to hurt a lot, but I'm glad they have the bone fuser to fix it."

He blinks up at her. "Hey, Rae? Thank you for looking at this."

[sunbaked_baker]

"You're welcome," she says, her smile still faint and drawn down, her eyes closing. Her touch upon his ankle is light, warm, and searching, as she casts about to determine the condition of his sprained ankle, and help expedite the injury's healing. Warmth spreads through the injury - not the inflamed heat of infection, but a soothing, muscle-relaxing warmth, curbing pain and tenderness.

"You did a number on this ankle, didn't you?" she murmurs.

[herr_bookman]

"What number?" Autor asks, peering at it curiously. He relaxes in little ways at the warmth, starting with his shoulders. Then he closes his eyes.

"I remember the first time you did that, on my shoulders, and it's so nice," he murmurs. "You've worked really hard, Rae--I'm proud of you."

[sunbaked_baker]

"I studied a lot," Rae says, quietly. "Thank you."

"And thank you for putting up with my tendency to snicker in libraries, and to argue, and to be obnoxious with my worrying. You've learned a lot over the past months, and have come a long way from the prickly scholar I met in the library. You're my best friend, Autor."

Gradually, the traumatized connective tissue and muscles heal, tightening and strengthening to the way they had been before, the way they should be. No injury or inflammation is left just a warm, soothing feeling as the magic travels through the formerly-injured ankle, making sure no harm is missed.

[herr_bookman]

"You're my best friend... too," Autor murmurs, and his head lolls to rest on his shoulder. His foot twitches as he gives himself over to sleep, and he snores softly, peaceful in repose.

[sunbaked_baker]

Rae sits beside him, listening to his steady breathing. After making sure he is well and truly asleep, she moves, fetching a blanket and placing it over him so he doesn't get cold during the night.

Then, very gently, she removes his glasses and sets them on the bedside table. Autor looks much younger, more vulnerable without the barrier they provide. She can't imagine him going off to war.

A long moment passes, and Rae leans forward, placing a very faint kiss to the boy's forehead.

"You're my best friend. And I will keep you safe."

If I possibly can.