sunbaked_baker: (sleeping)
[personal profile] sunbaked_baker
She still felt wretched when she swam back into consciousness, but her first, almost involuntary decision was to do something about it. The knowledge of having lain in her bed for days, littering the floor beside it with used tissues which missed the trashcan but that she was too exhausted to get up and throw away properly... it repulsed her.

Though her balance was not great, she made it to the bathroom and took the hottest shower she could stand. Then, when she felt marginally more in control and free of some of the feeling of having been ill for the past week, the problems arose.

Her closet, which normally would have been filled to the brim with elegant and delightful things to feel against one's skin, things to feel powerful in, was somehow reduced to a row of cheap, tasteless shirts, most in eye-searing colors, and trousers. Oh, there were a couple of decent blouses and skirts in the laundry bin - she vaguely remembered wearing them - but she wasn't about to air her dirty laundry, even non-metaphorically. The only thing in the closet that spoke to her was the finely beaded evening dress that had been shoved to the back. Among the rough and heavy shoes in the bottom of the closet, there was even a delicate pair of silver heels to go with it.

She held the dress against herself and turned this way and that before the full-length mirror of the closet doors. This was event-wear, not for everyday. Something to be seen in when you wanted to make a statement. Well, she did want to make a statement, didn't she, if even just to herself for now. If you didn't look sick, or act sick, surely you could convince yourself that you weren't sick. And then wouldn't feel sick. And maybe you could convince others as well. That was the hope, but she would have to be thorough in order to be convincing.

Good thing that was something she excelled at, then.

From the feet up.
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Rae "Sunshine" Seddon

August 2017

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